“ The truth is that good moms do get angry .”
chemistry ; I survived my postpartum phase ( quite literally ) because of it . After stopping my medication , I realized it was time to develop some good habits for handling my anger in a healthy way . I couldn ’ t just go around yelling at my kids all day .
I developed a coping mechanism for when my anger would flare . It calmed me and made the kids slow down and pay attention . I would slowly , out loud , count to ten .
Two things happened when I started counting and breathing deeply on each count . The kids realized I was mad and stood down from whatever nonsense they were doing . This allowed me to calm down enough not to freak out and yell at them . Of course , this only worked well with kids after the age of five or so . Kids are adorable but irrational before that point .
My therapist friends told me that this is an example of self-regulation . Self-regulation is your ability to manage your thoughts , emotions , and actions . I was managing my emotions by calming myself down . We selfregulate when we pause between a trigger of feeling and our actions . The pause between the trigger and how we respond to that trigger is where the magic happens .
Pausing gives us time to think before we act . It also allows our children to see and learn the tool for themselves . They realize we are not victims of our emotions , and we don ’ t have to act out in a way that is unhealthy .
“ The truth is that good moms do get angry .”
Self-regulation allows us to act in a way we won ’ t regret . We can get angry without lashing out . Your ability to self-regulate your emotions and take that pause between trigger and response can provide the foundation your children will build on to self-regulate as well .
Self-reflection helps us understand our triggers after we get angry . We can use that self-reflection to help create an environment with fewer triggers . This practice allows us to explore what makes us angry , which allows us to connect the dots and find patterns . Once
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