Raising Healthy, Happy Kids in a World of Noise
Our kids are so connected that they’re missing out on everything that matters.
Joe McCormack wants parents to stop being helpless bystanders and start taking action.
He shares insights to help us help our kids discern what’s important and what’s just “noise.”
Our kids are constantly glued
to digital devices: playing
video games, posting on social
media, watching YouTube — even
doing homework online. All this screen
time makes parents uneasy, and it should.
Plenty of evidence shows too much tech
changes kids’ brains, fuels depression and
anxiety, stunts the development of social
skills, and more. Yet despite all the handwringing,
we just don’t know what to do
— so we shrug, check our own smartphones,
and let the status quo flow on.
It’s this helpless bystander effect that
Joe McCormack wants to challenge. In
fact, he wants to launch a “just say no”
movement around the passive acceptance
of what he calls “noise” — not just in our
kids’ lives but in our own.
“We’ve all gotten acclimated to living
with endless digital disruptions and
constant connectedness,” says McCormack,
author of the new book NOISE:
Living and Leading When Nobody Can
Focus (Wiley, December 2019, ISBN:
978-1-119-55337-3, $25.00). “We think
it’s normal but it’s not. All the distraction
is hurting our quality of life. It’s hurting
our ability to focus, to think, to work, to
form strong relationships.”
And yes — to parent.
McCormack says we have a human
responsibility to manage the noise that
surrounds us, control our attention, and
28 WNY Family July 2020
tune in to the things that really matter.
We also have a parental responsibility to
teach our kids the same crucial life skills
now so they won’t have to “fix” their bad
habits later. The good news? Making the
needed changes is more doable than you
think.
“There’s no single ‘silver bullet’ solution,”
he says. “This is about committing
to a series of small, practical ‘old world’
changes that together make a big difference.
Yes, it will be a little tough at first
just because you and your kids are going
against the grain. But as parents our goal
is to raise happy, healthy, successful kids.
The changes are worth the effort.”
Here are a few of his insights and tips
for parents and kids:
Yes, noise really is as bad
as we think. Checking devices all day
long addicts everyone (kids and adults)
through a dopamine feedback loop. It’s especially
dangerous for children of all ages
because their brains are still being formed.
Further, teens also have what neurologists
call “a hyperactive risk-reward system”
that makes them susceptible to addiction.
Being tethered to technology isolates
kids, puts them at risk for cyberbullying,
divides their attention spans, and can impact
their mental health. Between 2010
and 2016, the number of adolescents who
experienced at least one major depressive
episode leapt by 60 percent, according to
the U.S. Department of Health & Human
Services (HHS).
The problem isn’t just about
what kids are doing when they’re
tethered to technology. It’s
about what they’re NOT doing.
Noise teaches us to un-focus. That’s a
problem because it’s the ability to focus on
what matters that empowers us to do deep
work, solve big problems, be better listeners,
nurture relationships — all the things
that create quality of life. We need to make
sure kids learn how to manage their attention
and discern what they’re letting in.
Set reasonable limits on
technology and build quiet time
into the day. Establish some rules
around screen time and other forms of digital
distraction. Maybe allow them half an
hour to use their devices after homework is
done each day. All other times, set an expectation
that your kids unplug. Make sure
they understand the value of having quiet
time to unwind and recharge, and that they
have an opportunity to spend time reading,
journaling, or relaxing at home.
Make a “keep phones out of
direct reach” rule. It’s not enough
to teach kids to resist technology. Reaching
for the phone has become a habit (as
most adults well know) and that’s no coincidence.
Phones and apps are designed to
be addictive. So don’t let kids keep phones
by their bed, or give them unlimited ac-