cess to play games or surf social media.
You might make a rule they have to keep
phones at a central point in the house (like
a charging station in the kitchen).
Keep them busy (but not too
busy). When kids have a lot to do, they’ll
simply have less time to spend on devices.
Encourage them to play sports or participate
in other afterschool activities. Also
make sure they have regularly scheduled
responsibilities at home, like walking the
dog, vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher,
and so forth. Older kids might even get a
part-time job. When kids know they have
to go to band practice, get in volunteer
hours, and do chores before they get to sit
down at the computer, they’ll get in the
habit of prioritizing life over technology.
“Don’t keep them running every
second of the day, though,” cautions Mc-
Cormack. “Kids need down time like
everyone else. Perhaps even more important,
they need to learn how to navigate
a noisy world themselves — they won’t
always have a parent setting up activities
for them.”
Instill the skills kids need to
say NO to noise. In the age of FOMO
(fear of missing out), it’s tempting to give
in to noise in all its forms. That’s why both
parents and kids alike should practice saying
no to digital distraction and information
overload. Master these habits so you
can tune out noise, and teach them to your
kids so they can learn to do the same:
• Refuse to be a slave to technology’s
beeps, dings, and buzzes.
When you hear an alert on your
phone, say no. Better yet, silence
any digital noisemakers when you
are trying to concentrate, during
dinner, and other family times, and
so forth.
• Practice single-minded focus. Do
one thing at a time. Then move on
to the next thing. Resist the urge to
get distracted or split your focus by
multitasking.
• Take regular technology breaks.
Even better, get outside and take a
stroll. A short walk each day helps
you clear your head and process
what’s happening in your life.
• Learn present listening. Fully engage
during conversations by becoming
aware of your awareness.
Don’t let your mind wander. Be
interested, concerned, and empathetic.
“Narrate why you’re doing what
you’re doing, and why you’re asking them
to do so,” says McCormack. “Unless you
tell them, they may not realize there’s a
better way to live. This high-tech connected
life is all they’ve ever known.”
Immerse kids in scenarios
that teach them to connect. A constant
onslaught of noise hampers kids’ social
skills development. That’s a problem
because the ability to engage with others in
a meaningful way matters more than ever.
Being able to influence, persuade, collaborate,
and show empathy are no longer considered
“soft skills” — they’re workplace
survival skills.
Parents can help by putting kids in
situations where they can practice connecting
with others. Insist that they hold
meaningful conversations at the dinner
table. Make sure they converse with visitors
rather than retreating to their room.
And make the world their classroom:
Have younger kids place their own order
at restaurants and (politely) send their food
back when it’s wrong. Enlist older kids to
negotiate for a different room if there’s a
problem during a family vacation.
Look for ways to build empathy.
Kids’ brains are malleable. Whatever they
spend their time doing influences their development.
That’s one more reason why
it’s important to limit their exposure to
digital distraction and help them tune into
the world and people around them. It’s
also why parents should focus on instilling
habits that promote empathy and the social
intelligence that will help them thrive
throughout life.
“Introduce your kids to a diverse
range of people and encourage them to befriend
those who are different from them,”
says McCormack. “Teach them to respond
to challenging situations through a lens
of curiosity and understanding instead of
judgment. If a classmate is snide at school,
help your child come up with ideas as to
why he or she may be behaving that way.
“And of course, model ways for them
to help others in need,” he adds. “If you
see a mom struggling to balance groceries
and a newborn, offer to help her get her
bags into her car.”
Above all, remember to
check your own behavior. As a
parent, you are a huge influencer. If you’re
perpetually distracted and addicted to
technology, how can you expect them not
to be?
When you spend hours watching TV
or scrolling through Facebook after work,
why would you not expect your kids to do
the same? Spend your time in more productive,
enriching, and rewarding ways.
And talk about it. Say, “I’m really enjoying
this pottery class. I like being creative.”
Or, “I love working at the soup kitchen. It
makes me feel happy to help others.”
Remember, this is not about disconnecting
from technology. It’s an incredibly
valuable tool when we manage it
well (rather than let it manage us). Rather,
it’s about teaching kids to make better
choices, to discern what they let in, and
to take charge of their time and attention.
It’s about giving them a life skill that will
serve them well as adults.
“We go to great lengths to protect our
money and property and other resources,
yet we don’t think twice about squandering
our most expendable, scarce resource,”
muses McCormack. “We have limited
time, so what we pay attention to really
matters. That’s one of the most important
lessons we can teach our kids.”
About Joseph McCormack: He is passionate
about helping people gain clarity
when there is so much competing for
our attention. He is a successful marketer,
entrepreneur, and author. His first
book, BRIEF: Make a Bigger Impact
by Saying Less (Wiley, 2014), sets the
standard for concise communication. Joe
is the founder and managing director of
The BRIEF Lab, an organization dedicated
to teaching professionals, military leaders,
and entrepreneurs how to think and communicate
clearly. His clients include Boeing,
Harley-Davidson, Microsoft, Mastercard,
DuPont, and select military units
and government agencies. He publishes a
weekly podcast called “Just Saying” that
helps people master the elusive skills of focus
and brevity. To learn more, visit www.
thebrieflab.com/noise/.
July 2020 WNY Family 29