realizing that you’re sexually
incompatible can be
extremely frustrating. If
you’re the one who wants
more sexual activity because
your number is significantly
higher than your partner’s,
you might find yourself doing
any of the following:
constantly pushing for more
sex; taking your partner’s
lack of interest in having sex
with you personally; or
looking outside of the
relationship to get your
sexual needs met.
If you’re in a relationship
already, I’m sure you could
come up with the number that
you believe fits your partner.
(I hope for the relationship’s
sake that your numbers are in
a similar range). The next
time one of you tries to
initiate sexual activity and the
other isn’t interested, remind
yourself what your sex
numbers are. The most
important benefit of knowing
your sex number is that it
JOY FEELINGS MAG!
prevents everyone from
taking sexual interest and
libido levels personally. One
member of a couple I saw in
session recently said, “I
stopped feeling bad that he
never seeks me out because I
realize he’s a 2 and I’m an
8.” I’ve spent almost two
years seeing this particular
couple, and it’s the
intervention where I asked
them to state their sex
numbers that has proved to
yield the most significant
impact. Who knew, given all
the years I spent studying
complex theories in grad
school?
If you are very sexual, you
have a significant need to
engage in sexual activity
regularly and frequently. If
you are not very sexual, you
have a need to have your
partner understand that you
have a low sex number and
don’t want to be pressured to
be sexual when it’s not really
something you want.