is to be more self-compassionate. Self-compassion involves
reassuring yourself that you're not a horrible person, that it's
understandable to be attached to someone against your better
judgment, and that a lot of other people go through this kind of
thing, too. Self-compassion also involves caring for yourself and
wanting to do what's best for yourself, as a parent would a
child—which means not staying in a relationship that's hurting
you. For more on increasing self-compassion, see Dr. Kristin
Neff's Psychology Today blog.
3. Lock yourself into a plan.
Research suggests that people are best at making lasting
changes when they come up with specific implementation
intentions, or "if/then" plans. These plans have been shown to
help people avoid temptation, meet health goals, and even
avoid stereotyping outgroup members. You may currently have
a lot of default "if/then" connections that are not working in
your favor, such as, "If I feel lonely and miss [the partner], then
I call him or her and ask him or her to come over." Instead, you
could replace this default "then" with a behavior that is likely to
make you feel better in the long run, such as calling a good
friend or listening to an empowering album. The more you
practice making a different decision whenever the "if" stimulus