arises, the more automatic the link will become, and the easier
it will be to resist the old pattern.
4. Defy cognitive dissonance.
Our minds have a sneaky way of justifying our actions so that
we never have to feel like we did something stupid or made a
mistake, a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance. This is
the reason we tend to be more loyal to groups that we suffered
to get into (e.g., a fraternity with intense hazing) and the
reason why we find ourselves derogating the job we turned
down once we make the final decision to go with another (post-
decision dissonance). It's also one of the reasons it's so hard to
break free of bad relationships, especially when we've been in
them for a long time. Unless a relationship suddenly takes a
turn for the worst after being smooth sailing before, ending it
often means coming to terms with the fact that for a long time
we didn't end it, and that that was a mistake. If we can't come
to terms with this, we might find ourselves continuing to justify
our present commitment to the relationship, which in turn
justifies our past decision to stay in it. Being aware of the way
your mind can play tricks on you can help you avoid this trap.