CHAPTER XVI 197
" Qu ' avez-vous , mademoiselle ?" said she . " Vos doigts tremblent comme la feuille , et vos joues sont rouges : mais , rouges comme des cerises !"
" I am hot , Adele , with stooping !" She went on sketching ; I went on thinking .
I hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion I had been conceiving respecting Grace Poole ; it disgusted me . I compared myself with her , and found we were different . Bessie Leaven had said I was quite a lady ; and she spoke truth -- I was a lady . And now I looked much better than I did when Bessie saw me ; I had more colour and more flesh , more life , more vivacity , because I had brighter hopes and keener enjoyments .
" Evening approaches ," said I , as I looked towards the window . " I have never heard Mr . Rochester ' s voice or step in the house to-day ; but surely I shall see him before night : I feared the meeting in the morning ; now I desire it , because expectation has been so long baffled that it is grown impatient ."
When dusk actually closed , and when Adele left me to go and play in the nursery with Sophie , I did most keenly desire it . I listened for the bell to ring below ; I listened for Leah coming up with a message ; I fancied sometimes I heard Mr . Rochester ' s own tread , and I turned to the door , expecting it to open and admit him . The door remained shut ; darkness only came in through the window . Still it was not late ; he often sent for me at seven and eight o ' clock , and it was yet but six . Surely I should not be wholly disappointed to- night , when I had so many things to say to him ! I wanted again to introduce the subject of Grace Poole , and to hear what he would answer ; I wanted to ask him plainly if he really believed it was she who had made last night ' s hideous attempt ; and if so , why he kept her wickedness a secret . It little mattered whether my curiosity irritated him ; I knew the pleasure of vexing and soothing him by turns ; it was one I chiefly delighted in , and a sure instinct always prevented me from going too far ; beyond the verge of provocation I never ventured ; on the extreme brink I liked well to try my skill . Retaining every minute form of respect , every propriety of my station , I could still meet him in argument without fear or