Huffington Magazine Issue 78 | Page 56

‘AT LEAST YOU HAVE ONE CHILD’ 8-year-old daughter and has been trying for another baby since 2006. In that time, Bouzek, who was recently laid off from her part-time job at a call center, tried intrauterine insemination (IUI) — having her husband’s sperm placed directly into her uterus during ovulation — and has had two miscarriages. “I am grateful because I have my daughter, and she is my shining star. I tell people that … but I’ve always wanted a big family.” Indeed, therapists who regularly treat patients experiencing secondary infertility say that what makes the condition particularly isolating is that it can be perceived by others as a selfish obsession. “A typical response is, ‘Well, at least you have little Johnny,’ or, even worse, people with multiple children saying, ‘You don’t know how good you’ve got it,’” said Krista Post, a licensed psychologist working in Minneapolis who specializes in reproductive issues. “A lot of the work I do is validating the pain and loss of their experience. Whether you’re having difficulty conceiving a first child, or a secondary experience of not being able to fulfill this dream of a larger family, it is painful.” HUFFINGTON 12.08.13 Many parents say they also feel ashamed of themselves for resenting peers and friends who grow their families with seeming ease. “One of the yuckiest emotions is the jealousy,” said Amy Wruble, a 43-year-old, California-based blogger who has written about her experience with secondary infertility. Wruble began trying for another baby soon after the Therapists who regularly treat patients experiencing secondary infertility say that what makes the condition particularly isolating is that it can be perceived by others as a selfish obsession. birth of her daughter, who is now in preschool, knowing her fertility window was rapidly closing. “It’s not like I begrudge anyone their children, but it’s hard not to go to that dark place. And then of course I feel bad,” she said. “I think one of the oddities of secondary infertility is that you’re a mother already, so you live in a world that’s populated by babies and children,” she continued. “There’s no escaping from your grief, or your jealousy, because you’re confronted by it every moment of every day.”