HUFFINGTON
09.22.13
INVISIBLE CASUALTIES
straightened his service ribbons.
Petty Officer Lipstein, the Navy
concluded, “was under a significant amount of stress due to separation from his wife, reoccurring
panic attacks, depression, a long
term addiction to drugs, the death
of his mother, brain surgery, loss
of hearing, and a likely medical
separation from the Navy.”
“Looking at the evidence, his
mental capacity was diminished
at the time of his death, and he
was not able to comprehend the
nature of his actions and, therefore, cannot be held mentally responsible for his actions,” wrote
Navy Lt. Cmdr. Felix L. Hopkins of
the Oceana Naval Air Station, who
conducted the investigation.
After Joshua died, “I was in a
frozen state,” Don told me one day
as we sat in his car in a parking
lot outside Wilmington. He wore
a polo shirt emblazoned with the
logo of Navy Riverine Squadron 1.
“I was in a state of shock for probably three months. There is a tremendous amount of loss, pain and
guilt, shame, anger.”
A Navy casualty assistance officer
gave Don a batch of material after
the funeral, including a brochure
from TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance
Program for Survivors. It provides
peer-based emotional support for
those who have lost loved ones due
to their military service, connects
survivors with grief counselors and
other resources, and offers semi-
“... talking about it helps
people who struggle with
the shame, and if you don’t
deal with that, the shame
will eat you up.”
nars and retreat camps for kids.
Don called and was put in touch
with a trained survivor care team
member. She was a good listener
and he talked, slowly over the
months absorbing the facts of Joshua’s life and death.
As he began to thaw, Don came
to understand some things about
the suicide of his son. One was to
drop the shame. Stop pretending
it didn’t happen. Celebrate the life
that was. “My son died by suicide,
but I loved him during his lifetime,”
he said. “He lived an awesome life.
He was a great kid. People saw him
as a shining star. I can’t help but
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