Voices
1. You know that coffee you ordered? It’s actually decaf even
though you asked for regular.
We’d rather that you sit back, relax and fall asleep so you don’t
bother us too much. Our airline
sent around a memo wondering
why the decaf supplies were going so fast, noting that decaf costs
more than regular coffee.
2. When we “arm” the doors on
your aircraft, each flight attendant
checks the work of his colleague
at the opposite door. You’ve heard
it a million times: “arm doors
and cross check.” Did you hear
“crotchcheck?” It wasn’t your
imagination. We get silly sometimes. And yes, despite all the
cross checking — maybe because
we’re checking crotches instead
— once in a great while we screw
up and we forget to arm the doors,
which means the emergency slides
won’t automatically deploy if
needed in an emergency. We can
get fired for that.
3. Our airline used to pay us
when we showed up for duty at
the airport. That was eons ago.
Then we got paid our measly
hourly wage when the cabin doors
closed. Then it was when the
plane’s brakes were released. Now
we get paid only when the wheels
GEORGE
HOBICA
HUFFINGTON
01.13.13
leave the ground (“wheels up” in
airline parlance). We don’t even
get paid when we’re taxiing! There
can sometimes be hours of delay
between the time we show up for
work and when we’re airborne.
Different airlines have different
policies, but it’s a way for them to
save money. So when we greet you
Please don’t ask me
what we’re flying over. I’m as
clueless as you are. I am not
flying the plane.”
at the door, we do that for free.
When we serve you your pre-flight
drink, we do that for free, too. No
wonder our smiles are so fake.
4. If a flight is late, the airline
might have to pay us overtime. If
the flight is going to be late anyway,
we’ve been known to delay it even
further in order make sure overtime
kicks in, which on our airline means
up to double the hourly pay. We
might find some minor defect in the
aircraft or use some other ruse to
make up for the money we don’t get
paid waiting for take off.
5. Yes, we can upgrade you to
business class or first class after
the airplane’s doors close. No, we