Voices
don’t do it very often, partly because on some airlines we have to
file a report explaining why we did
it, partly because there has to be
a meal for you and partly because
the forward cabins are often full.
Who do we upgrade? Not the slob
who’s dressed in a dirty tank top.
It helps if you’re extremely nice,
well dressed, pregnant, very tall,
good looking, one of our friends or
all of the above.
6. Please don’t take your computer and a newspaper into the
lav. It’s gross and it means you’re
going to be occupying it longer
than you should.
7. Please don’t ask me what
we’re flying over. I’m as clueless as
you are. I am not flying the plane.
8. Please don’t do deep knee
bends in my galley while I’m trying to work. You won’t get deep
vein thrombosis on a flight between Houston and Austin.
9. Jiggling your glass of ice at
me won’t make me dash to the
galley for a refill. In fact, it makes
me want to scream.
10. When I ask you what you’d
like to drink and you ask me
“Well, what do you have?” I want
to answer “Not a lot of time.” But
you wouldn’t like that.
11. I want to yank your head-
GEORGE
HOBICA
HUFFINGTON
01.13.13
phones off your head after I’ve
asked you what you want to drink
and you’ve responded “huh?”
three times. After the fourth time
I just move on or give you a Coke.
12. Yes, we do ask the captain
to leave the seatbelt sign on long
Yes, we do ask the captain
to leave the seatbelt sign on long
after the turbulence has ended
so we can serve in the aisles.”
after the turbulence has ended so
we can serve in the aisles.
13. On night flights, we sometimes hold off on meal service as
long as we can so that you’ll be
asleep and we’ll have less to do.
14. All male flight attendants
are not gay, even if they might
look like they are.
15. We really don’t like children. Not just your children, children period. Why do you think we
chose a career where we spend
half our lives away from home?
16. If you poke me, I’m going to
poke you back. Harder!
17. Don’t ask me where you can
shove your bag. I’ve been waiting
12 years to tell you where
you can shove it.