How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 85

1. Be curious.
Ask a lot of questions. People trust people who are interested in them.
The reason for this is that people tend to feel isolated as life gets more
complicated. And when someone pays attention to us we feel safer and
less isolated.
Think of the car buying situation with the car salesperson as the coach.
The salesperson who focuses on finding out the customer’s needs
before trying to close the sale will do much better than the salesperson
who focuses on the product. When someone tries to sell us something,
whether a car or an idea, if we feel they know us, we will feel safer and
be more open to what they have to say.
As a coach the more you use curious information gathering to build
rapport the more likely it is that your coachee will trust you and be
coachable.
2. Be an open space listener.
When you ask a question deliberately pause to let the person you’re
asking answer. This is a sign of respect, which builds feelings of safety
and trust.
Imagine if you had an audience with the Pope. Would you ask a
question and then jump in while he was answering. No, not at all. You
would respectfully wait for the answer.
It is the same in building rapport. To build trust you must patiently
provide an empty space for the answer to fill. Patient open space
listening produces respect, an absence of vulnerability and rapport.
3. Be a flexible mirror.
To make someone you’re talking to feel comfortable it is helpful to
mirror their demeanour. If they are slow and deliberate they will feel
most comfortable if you are the same way. If you’re in a hurry they will
feel uncomfortable and less safe.

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