How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 62

5. Don’t ask for explanations. Clarification and examples are different than asking why someone did not like something. Requesting explanations beyond the facts can seem defensive and often end up in an argument. As a result the giver backs off and is discouraged from giving feedback in the future. However, the giver is not discouraged from seeing negative behavior or assessing your performance; the person simply becomes unwilling to provide the feedback. Focus on understanding the behavior and its impact. 6. Assume the sender wants to help. Related to the point above, assume that the person giving the feedback is helping you improve. It should not be seen as a way to be more powerful than you or to make you feel bad. Everyone can improve; it is a benefit to have someone reflect how your behavior appears to him/her. 7. Be appreciative and thank the observer. Express your gratitude in a sincere way, such as “Thanks. I am sure I will be clearer if I pay attention to your points.” 8. Share your improvement plan. Tell the giver what you intend to do in the future. Example: “I think I will try your idea of putting talking points on the flip chart in pencil. That should help me get rid of the notes that are distracting to me.” 370