How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 62

5. Don’t ask for explanations.
Clarification and examples are different than asking why
someone did not like something. Requesting explanations
beyond the facts can seem defensive and often end up in an
argument. As a result the giver backs off and is discouraged
from giving feedback in the future. However, the giver is not
discouraged from seeing negative behavior or assessing your
performance; the person simply becomes unwilling to
provide the feedback. Focus on understanding the behavior
and its impact.
6. Assume the sender wants to help.
Related to the point above, assume that the person giving the
feedback is helping you improve. It should not be seen as a
way to be more powerful than you or to make you feel bad.
Everyone can improve; it is a benefit to have someone reflect
how your behavior appears to him/her.
7. Be appreciative and thank the observer.
Express your gratitude in a sincere way, such as “Thanks. I
am sure I will be clearer if I pay attention to your points.”
8. Share your improvement plan.
Tell the giver what you intend to do in the future. Example:
“I think I will try your idea of putting talking points on the
flip chart in pencil. That should help me get rid of the notes
that are distracting to me.”

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