How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Seite 416

interpretations of them. How we interpret events affects how we may
feel about them. Our interpretations, and the beliefs upon which we
base them, are subject to our choice. By changing the way we look at a
situation we can change how we feel about it.
Unfortunately, many of the beliefs that underlie our interpretations of
events are either not conscious, or resistant to change. The pessimist,
for example, is unlikely to simply decide to suddenly believe that
“things will all turn out okay”. Many past experiences have formed the
basis for his pessimism. Perhaps, for instance, a pessimistic attitude
was once an effective way to cope with a series of disappointments.
Changing one’s belief systems, therefore, can be a difficult process. First
the underlying belief must be identified. Then, a more functional belief
must be proposed, and finally, experiential evidence supporting the
new belief must be accumulated. Only then do feelings begin to change.
Hence, it is unrealistic to expect someone to change their beliefs
whenever challenged. Listeners who do this may appear callous and
uncaring.
Feelings and Needs
Feelings are also a factor of whether a person’s needs are being met or
not. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Non-violent Communication,
explains that good feelings are the response we experience when our
needs are being met and uncomfortable feelings are the result of our
needs going unmet.
Feelings that spring from unmet needs are often difficult to accept,
particularly if one does not believe that the needs they have are
legitimate. Whether they believe it or not, all people have needs for
connection, autonomy, mastery, physical comfort, and meaning. An
under-standing of these universal human needs can help people give
themselves more permission to have their needs and the feelings
generated when those needs go unmet. Such self-acceptance can help a
person soothe themselves when they cannot find validation for their
feelings from someone else.
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