How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 358

1.
2.

Affection and approval, the need to please others and be liked
A partner who will take over one's life, based on the idea that love
will solve all of one's problems
3. Restriction of one's life to narrow borders, to be undemanding,
satisfied with little, inconspicuous; to simplify one's life
4. Power, for control over others, for a facade of omnipotence, caused
by a desperate desire for strength and dominance
5. Exploitation of others; to get the better of them
6. Social recognition or prestige, caused by an abnormal concern for
appearances and popularity
7. Personal admiration
8. Personal achievement.
9. Self-sufficiency and independence
10. Perfection and unassailability, a desire to be perfect and a fear of
being flawed.
In Compliance, also known as "Moving toward" or the "Self-effacing
solution", the individual moves towards those perceived as a threat to
avoid retribution and getting hurt, "making any sacrifice, no matter
how detrimental." The argument is, "If I give in, I won't get hurt." This
means that: if I give everyone I see as a potential threat whatever they
want, I won't be injured (physically or emotionally). This strategy
includes neurotic needs one, two, and three.
In Withdrawal, also known as "Moving away" or the "Resigning
solution", individuals distance themselves from anyone perceived as a
threat to avoid getting hurt - "the 'mouse-hole' attitude...the security of
unobtrusiveness." The argument is, "If I do not let anyone close to me, I
won't get hurt." A neurotic, according to Horney desires to be distant
because of being abused. If they can be the extreme introvert, no one
will ever develop a relationship with them. If there is no one around,
nobody can hurt them. These "moving away" people fight personality,
so they often come across as cold or shallow. This is their strategy. They
emotionally remove themselves from society. Included in this strategy
are neurotic needs three, nine, and ten.

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