How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 283

Mary: Well, little Johnny fell and skinned his knee, it burned while I was
busy getting him a bandage. (R)
John: You baby that boy too much! (P)
Mary: You wouldn't want him to get an infection, would you? I'd end up
having to take care of him while he was sick. (V)
John: He's big enough to get his own bandage. (R)
Mary: I just didn't want him bleeding all over the carpet. (R)
John: You know, that's the problem with these kids! They expect you to
do everything! (R)
Mary: That's only natural, honey, they are just young. (R)
John: I work like a dog all day at a job I hate... (V)
Mary: Yes, you do work very hard, dear. (R)
John: And I can't even sit down to a good dinner! (V)
Mary: I can cook something else, it won't take too long. (R)
John: A waste of an expensive steak! (P)
Mary: Well maybe if you could have hauled your ass out of your chair
for a minute while I was busy, it wouldn't have gotten burned! (P)
John: You didn't say anything! How was I supposed to know? (P)
Mary: As if you couldn't hear Johnny crying? You always ignore the
kids! (P)
John: I do not, I just need time to sit and relax and unwind after
working all day! You don't know what it's like... (V)
Mary: Sure, as if taking care of the house and kids isn't WORK! (P)
Anyone reading this article could undoubtedly continue this argument
indefinitely. What is of perhaps more interest is how one can remove
oneself from the triangle, which, as the example makes clear, can be
exhausting.
The simplest method is the non-defensive response. This works at any
point no matter what the role the other person is taking, as it doesn't
give a cue as to the next response.

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