How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 284

For instance:
Mary: Well maybe if you could have hauled your ass out of your chair
for a minute while I was busy, it wouldn't have gotten burned! (P) John:
Yes, that's true.
Although Mary may attempt to restart the cycle by continuing to scold,
if John continues in the same vein, Mary will eventually run out of
things to say. Unless Mary is actually abusive, in which case care should
be used in employing this method, John's calm response invites
discussion rather than continued wrangling. She might realize that she
didn't ask him for help, and they might well be able to resolve the
situation by planning on a course of action should something similar
arise in the future.
It Works just as well for the victim role:
John: I do not, I just need time to sit and relax and unwind after
working all day! You don't know what it's like... (V) Mary: I'm sorry
you're feeling so tired.
This acknowledges any real problem the other person might have
without continuing the dance. Again, the other person may attempt to
restart the cycle by continuing to complain, but again, with continued
non-defensive responses, the other person will run out of things to say.
While the "rescuer" role is seemingly the least problematic of the three
points of the triangle, it still is a part of a non-communicative cycle, and
thus should be treated in the same manner.
Mary: That's only natural, honey, they are just young. (R) John: Yes,
they are young.
Once again, the cycle is broken, and John has made it clear to Mary that
he needs no further placating or assistance.
Other excellent non-defensive responses:
"Oh." "I see." "You may be right."
Source:
www.johngouletmft.com/Breaking_The_Drama_Triangle_Newest.pdf
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