How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 124

«I thank you for your invitation to dinner, but I am extremely tired and
prefer to get to bed early.»
«I am sorry, but I have decided that I cannot help you on Saturday
because I feel my children and family need me more.»
«You know I really do not enjoy social activities very much anymore, so
I don't think I will come this evening. Perhaps we can get together just
the two of us some other time and have a deeper communication.»
«Yes, I would be glad to help you this weekend because I really love you
very much and would like to express that love through my actions.»
Thus, the first step in making a responsive I-message is to clearly
understand what we want to do and then to honestly express it. It may
be possible that we will have mixed feelings. An example might be:
«I find myself in a dilemma because, on the one hand, I love you and
would like to sit and listen to your problem right now, but on the other,
I am exhausted and quite tense myself. Let me rest for a few hours and I
will call you back.»
We have learned to avoid saying "no" at all costs; for fear the other will
stop loving us or reject us. When we do something with or for someone
out of fear of rejection, it is of no real value. It is better to offer less but
with love rather than do something out of fear or a sense of obligation
and build up feelings of resentment. Being able to say "yes" because we
love is a higher human quality and can be developed in three basic
ways:
a. Diminishing our own personal needs as much as possible so they do
not require much time, energy or thought.
b. Keeping our energy level up through exercises, breathing techniques,
relaxation, meditation and proper dietary habits.
c. Developing a feeling of love and compassion for others.
Of course, this yes must be used with discrimination.

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