How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 123

6. What do you feel like doing when you think of it?
As you can see, the end result of consciously speaking with assertive “I”
messages about your own feelings, thoughts, and desires is much more
effective than talking about the other person. More self empowerment
to you!

THERE ARE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF I-MESSAGES
1. DECLARATIVE I-MESSAGES
The declarative I-message is used when we simply want to express a
need, desire, opinion or inner reality. We are not necessarily in conflict
with someone, but are simply letting our feelings and needs be known
by the others. Doing this wards off many potentially unpleasant
situations in which we do not express our feelings and thoughts, and
then feel others do not take us into consideration. Learning to make
declarative messages makes a relationship much more equal and alive.
Suppressing our needs and emotions leads to feelings of resentment,
abandonment and neglect. When our negative feelings accumulate, we
are likely to lose our temper about some small insignificant event. Let
us avoid these two extremes of suppression and aggression, and learn
to be assertive about our needs, desires and opinions.
2. RESPONSIVE I-MESSAGES
When we are asked to do something with or for someone else, it is time
for a responsive I-message. We must first decide very clearly whether
we actually want to respond to what is being asked of us or not. It may
be to lend something, to help someone, to go to dinner, to talk to
someone for some tim