How to Coach Yourself and Others Popular Models for Coaching | Page 129

Often, people build their thinking on hidden premises (I cannot,
they will not, …) and just as often fear is at the basis of these
premises.
They start out with questions like:
- Do I measure up? (Do you?)
- Is this good enough? (Usually not)
- Am I doing this right or wrong? (Failure!)
- Won’t I make mistakes? (mistakes are unacceptable!)
What happens is they live a life filled with blame, guilt,
judgement, see life as a fight between winners and losers and
end up creating low self-esteem.
However, life is not about winning and losing, it is about
learning! A failure in outcome does not mean somebody is a
failure as a person, it just means they just learned something!
The leading questions should be:
- What are my possibilities here?
- How else can I look at this?
- What will make the difference so …?
- What else can I try?
- What am I free to do now this project has been cancelled?
With acceptance and exploration of reality, room for
experiment, enthusiasm and play are created and self-esteem is
boosted.
3.

A is for Affirm Understanding

Coachees benefit from feeling taken seriously. That is: respected
and accepted for who they are. They also need to feel
understood and have their problems acknowledged.
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