How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 21

2. Influencing Skills
Many of the situations we tend to worry about aren’t directly under our control, however,
for instance how our friends and partners treat us, whether or not we receive promotions
or contracts, or how much help we get from others. Problems with situations like this can
often come up in our minds as should statements, such as “I shouldn’t have to do this
without help!” or “I deserved that raise!” or “It’s not fair that it’s raining the weekend we
were supposed to go camping!”
(A note: “should statements” don’t necessarily contain the word “should”. A should
statement is any thought or declaration declaring a need for someone or something else
to do or not do something.)
Should statements are a common example of a broken idea, a type of thinking that
creates unnecessary trouble. To regard situations where we have influence only and not
control in a healthy and constructive way, it’s important to come to terms with the
possibility that things may not turn out the way we want them to.

Direct influence
Situations where we have influence come in two flavors: direct influence and indirect
influence. Direct influence means that we can take specific steps to try to get the thing
done. For instance, a person who wants a raise can usually go to his or her boss and
request one, and someone who wants to be treated better by another person can
confront that person.

Indirect influence
Indirect influence means that we can only take actions that encourage the results we
want, but can’t control them or even push for a decision. Some examples of indirect
influence are practicing more in order to have a better chance of winning a talent contest
or writing letters to a representative to encourage a particular vote.

Influencing the boss …
One of the principles of working successfully with your boss is to make sure that you
don't outshine him or her. This is simple boss-subordinate psychology: you are there to
find solutions and your boss is there to take the credit. Understanding this key aspect of
the relationship is the secret to both of you getting on. That means that when you want
your boss to do something you care about, you must find subtle ways to put your case.
One of the most important techniques of doing this is Indirect Influence and here is a
story that shows you how to do it.