How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 123

c) I could find it challenging and enjoyable to teach myself to live happily without love.
d) I could work at achieving a philosophy of fully accepting myself even when I do not
get the love I crave.
You can take any one of your major irrational beliefs - your shoulds, oughts, or musts and spend at least ten minutes every day, often for a period of several weeks, actively
and vigorously disputing this belief.
To help keep yourself devoting this amount of time to the DIBS method of rational
disputing, you may use operant conditioning or self-management methods (originated
by B.F. Skinner, David Premack, Marvin Goldfried, and other psychologists). Select some
activity that you highly enjoy that you tend to do every day- such as reading, eating,
television viewing, exercising, or social contact with friends. Use this activity as a
reinforcer or reward by ONLY allowing yourself to engage in it AFTER you have practiced
Disputing Irrational Beliefs (DIBS) for at least ten minutes that day. Otherwise, no
reward!
Summary of Questions to Ask Yourself in DIBS
1. WHAT SELF-DEFEATING IRRATIONAL BELIEF DO I WANT TO DISPUTE AND
SURRENDER?
2. CAN I RATIONALLY SUPPORT THIS BELIEF?
3. WHAT EVIDENCE EXISTS OF THE FALSENESS OF THIS BELIEF?
4. DOES ANY EVIDENCE EXIST OF THE TRUTH OF THIS BELIEF?
5. WHAT ARE THE WORST THINGS THAT COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO ME IF I DON'T
GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)?
6. WHAT GOOD THINGS COULD I MAKE HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST
(OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)?
Disputing (D) your dysfunctional or irrational Beliefs (iBs) is one of the most effective of
REBT techniques. But it is still often ineffective, because you can easily and very strongly
hold on to an iB (such as, "I absolutely must be loved by so-and-so, and it's awful and I
am an inadequate person when he/she does not love me!"). When you question and
challenge this iB you often can come up with an Effective New Philosophy (E) that is
accurate but weak: "I guess that there is no reason why so-and-so must love me,
because there are other people who will love me when so-and-so does not. I can
therefore be reasonably happy without his/her love." Believing this almost Effective New
Philosophy, and believing it lightly, you can still easily and forcefully believe, "Even
though it is not awful and terrible when so-and-so does not love me, it really is! No
matter what, I still need his/her affection!"
Weak, or even moderately strong, Disputing will therefore often not work very well to
help you truly disbelieve some of your powerful and long-held iB's; while vigorous,
persistent Disputing is more likely to work

5. Challenging irrational beliefs
How do we deal with these beliefs which are limiting us and have become an
obstruction towards our goal achievement? We must let go of these beliefs and
assumptions to become successful, have positive relationships with others, and deal
with the stress in life. Following are the five questions that you can ask yourself to
dispute your irrational beliefs.