How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 110

Active Listening Techniques
1. Let the speaker know that you are listening with well-timed and short replies, e.g. I
see, or yes, or tell me more, or even by nodding. (minimal encouragements)
2. Paraphrase speaker’s messages to make sure you are understanding, and also to
show an effort to understand.
3. Identify the emotion the speaker is feeling. For example, if the speaker is very angry
and ranting, the listener can say, ‘it sounds like you are really hurt’, or ‘that makes you
really angry, huh?’ This serves to validate the speaker’s feelings.
4. Instead of asking ‘Why?’ which may put the person on the defensive, ask open-ended
questions. (‘tell me about that’…or ‘could you help me understand better?’)
5. Use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘You’ statements (e.g.: ‘I feel frustrated when you yell
at me’, because …. And the result is …). These statements sound less accusatory.
6. Effective pauses. Sometimes not saying anything at all is more effective than even the
perfect response. By leaving gaps in the conversation, it allows the speaker to share
more. Also, sometimes the speaker is trying to elicit a response, and not giving one,
takes some wind out of his or her sails.
3. Are you getting your point across?
Are you Making Yourself Clear?
• You might be pretty sure that you’re being perfectly clear, but you might not be!
• Give yourself time to organize your thoughts and make sure that your main points are
clear.
• Give examples.
• Pay attention to your listeners:
– Do they seem to understand?
– Are they engaged and seeming interested in what what you are s