How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 109

7. Putting EQ to work
1. First Things First: Know Thyself
Before we can think about others, we sometimes need to first think about our own
behaviors.
• What is your greatest strength? This is what you should emphasize!
• Think of several ways in which you can emphasize your strength.
1. For example, my strength is empathy.
a) I can emphasize that by listening more effectively.
• Is there anything you can do to easily improve an interaction with someone?
1. Do I have time to give this person the proper attention?
2. Am I giving this person my full attention?
3. Am I letting my own issues affect this interaction?
4. Do I understand the message this person is trying to convey?
2. Are you listening?
Adults are usually distracted by other things while they listen, and therefore, hear at
about 25% efficiency.
• Rather than always try to listen when someone is speaking, sometimes it is necessary,
and even helpful, to ask the speaker to come back at a later time when we can be
more receptive.
• It has been found that multi-tasking does not really work, so if someone is talking to
you, put your phone down, turn away from your computer monitor, and just listen.
• Listening is about more than being able to repeat what someone just said. It involves
hearing the words, interpreting the entire message of the speaker, and giving helpful
comments or feedback in return.
• Sometimes the words do not convey the whole message. Good listeners are often
analyzing what the speaker is trying to get across, why the speaker is sharing the
information with us, and what type of feedback may be desired in return.
Listening:
Conflict Resolution and Negotiation
• When tempers flare, and frustration levels are high, active listening can have a calming
effect.
• If someone is angry or frustrated and not calming down, it could be partially because
he or she does not feel like anyone is paying attention.
• The FBI’s Critical Incident Response Group (CIRG) has developed a negotiation
technique for situations such as hostage negotiations. The main steps that are
recommended are minimal encouragements, paraphrasing, emotion labeling, openended questions, and ‘I’ statements. Just as important, however, is a well-placed
break in conversation