How to Coach Yourself and Others How to Influence, Persuade and Motivate | 页面 76

they know the other people in the room. But be sure that you don’t choose
to focus only on this step – if the preceding steps are out of sync, the other
person won’t feel that any rapport-building is natural and sincere. You
can’t just find a thing or two in common and instantly be able to persuade
another – you need to put the other techniques into action as well.
Be sure not to concentrate only on this step without performing the
earlier steps.
When you are using these tools, it’s important to remember that you need
to be subtle. Matching and mirroring should appear natural, not
intentional. You don’t want the other person to become acutely aware of
the fact that you are using these techniques to influence or persuade the
other person. Many people would automatically reject what you are
saying if they feel you are trying to persuade them too vigorously.

Calibration means learning to notice how the other person is reacting
to your attempts to build rapport.
Typically, the other person will be focusing so much on what they have to
say that they will not even notice your attempts to build rapport. But
calibration is one way of determining whether you are in rapport with
someone and whether or not you are beginning to influence and persuade
them. This basically means that you need to develop your ability to notice
what is happening to such an extent that you can begin to see people’s
reactions to communication.
This takes some practice because most of us are naturally more focused
on ourselves and what we want to say in a conversation. But remember
that when you are attempting to persuade someone, you want to make it
easy for them to come to agreement with you. To do so, you need to be
attuned to how they are reacting to you. So you will need to almost be in
two minds at once – one ‘mind’ is involved in the conversation, sending
your message and respondin g to input from the other person. The other
‘mind’ is standing outside of the conversation and observing.
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