How to Coach Yourself and Others How to Influence, Persuade and Motivate | Page 347

others want. When people truly function in this manner, they are more
pleasant to be around. They tend to be more generous, upbeat, and openminded. They fulfill their own needs, but are careful to consider the needs
of others. People who possess self-esteem are strong and secure, meaning
they can admit when they are wrong. They are not unraveled by criticism.
Their self-confidence permeates into all aspects of their lives: their jobs,
their education, their relationships, etc. After an in-depth study, the
National Institute for Student Motivation even rated self-confidence as
more influential in academic achievement than IQ.[1] Other studies have
shown that self-esteem even impacts your income levels.[2]
Unfortunately, several studies show that Americans overall do not enjoy
high self-esteem. Two out of three Americans suffer from varying levels
of low self-esteem. In one survey of child development, 80 percent of
children entering third grade said they felt good about themselves. By
fifth grade, the number had dropped to 20 percent. By the last year of high
school, only 5 percent of the seniors said that they felt good about
themselves. To some degree, we all suffer from low self-esteem in
different areas of our lives, whether it's our IQ, our looks, our education,
or how we look in a swimsuit. The short list of symptoms attributable to
low self-esteem includes: inability to trust others, aggressive behavior,
gossiping, resentment of others, criticism of others, inability to take
criticism, defensiveness, procrastination, and inability to accept
compliments.
There are two reasons why our culture suffers so greatly from low selfworth. First, media and advertising continuously show us how we should
look, what we should drive, what we should smell like, etc. The message
is that we are never good enough with what we are. We see images of
grooming, fashion, popularity, and attractiveness to which we can never
measure up. These images constantly remind us that we need to improve
ourselves and that there is always someone better than us. Secondly, we
judge and measure ourselves not against our own norm, but against some
other individual's norm. But because we think, believe, and assume that
we should measure up to some other person's norm, we feel miserable and
second rate, concluding that there is something wrong with us.
How does self-esteem affect persuasion? Author Elaine Walster Hatfield
conducted a study that gives us one example. She found that a woman
who is introduced to a man is more likely to find him appealing if her
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