How to Coach Yourself and Others How to Influence, Persuade and Motivate | Page 346

Chapter 12
The Rule of Esteem
How Praise Releases Energy
Overview
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
—MARK TWAIN
The Rule of esteem recognizes that all humans need and want praise,
recognition, and acceptance. Acceptance and praise are two of our deepest
cravings; we can never get enough. William James once said, "The
deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated." You
can give simple praise to a child and watch them soar to the top of the
world. We know how a simple thank you can make our day. Human
beings have a psychological need to be respected and accepted. We need
affection to satisfy the need to belong, we want praise so we can feel
admired, and we want recognition to satisfy our need for personal worth.
In the persuasion process, it is essential to realize that people will act and
behave in a certain way in order to validate compliments. If you present
your request in a manner that compliments or builds up your listeners,
they will be much more inclined not only to follow through, but to do so
eagerly. Compliments have the power to change behavior because they
make the recipient feel needed and valued. The individual now has a
reputation to live up to or an opportunity to prove the validity of the
compliment. Besides that, it's hard to not get along and comply with
people who admire you, agree with you, and do nice things for you.
To use the Rule of Esteem effectively, you must clearly understand the
relationships between self-esteem, pride, and ego.
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is the elusive aspiration of most people. It is a confidence or
self-satisfaction in oneself. Where does self-esteem come from? The
people who are truly happy and comfortable with themselves are the ones
who are able to live with and achieve what they want, not what they think
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