How to Coach Yourself and Others Happiness Is No Accident | Page 27

How do you apply this rule? You understand the motives of people and appeal to them as if they
were selfish. Find ways to help people within these four categories. Don’t expect people to offer
aid outside of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely.
Rule Four: People Have Poor Memories
Ever been told someone’s name at a party and then forgot it later? Another rule of human
behaviour is that people have trouble remembering things. Especially information (as you’ll recall
in rule one) that doesn’t apply to themselves. People are more likely to remember your similarities
than your differences (unless they were emotionally incensed by them).
Recently I even broke this rule. I made arrangements to talk to a person I hadn’t met before on the
phone. Even with my normally foolproof system of calendars and to-do lists, a few spontaneous
schedule changes caused me to miss the call. I quickly apologized and made a new arrangement.
But the fact is most people don’t have organized GTD systems. People are forgetful by nature, so
once again, don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten. The other side of this rule
is that you can demonstrate reliability by having a good memory or system (if it doesn’t fail you).
Rule Five: Everyone is Emotional
Perhaps this is an exaggeration. But the core of the message is that people tend to have stronger
feelings about something than they let on. People who regularly have outbursts of anger,
depression or flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in most cultures. This especially
applies to men (for women trying to figure us out).
The application of this rule is to not assume everything is fine just because someone isn’t having a
nervous breakdown. We all have our individual problems, angst and upsets that are normally
contained. You don’t need to call people out on their private deception, but being sensitive to those
underlying currents gives you an advantage in trying to help.
The alternate application of this rule is similar to rule two. People generally assume everything is
fine unless you just had a blow-up.
Rule Six: People are Lonely
This is another broad generalization. But it is amazing how many people who seem to have it all,
suffer from bouts of loneliness. As social animals, I believe people are especially sensitive to any
threats to becoming ostracized. In Neanderthal times, exile meant death, so loneliness and the
desire to be with other people is a strong one.
The application of this rule is that loneliness is fairly common, so