How to Coach Yourself and Others From Dependency to Inter Dependency | Page 15

4. Think Win - Win
1.Win-win is a frame of mind that constantly seeks mutual benefits in all human interaction. It sees life
as a cooperative, not a competitive area. It is not about “your way or my way” but about finding a better
way.
2. Win-win or no deal is an even higher expression of win-win: “if we can’t find a solution that would
benefit us both, then we agree to disagree.” This attitude allows you to feel liberated. There’s no need
to drive for what you want. You can be open and honestly say: “I want you to win and I want to win
also. I only want to go for win-win.
2. Sometimes “no deal” is not viable. In such cases, if necessary, you can go for compromise, a low
form of win-win.
ALTERNATIVE MINDFRAMES ARE:
WIN-LOSE: “I get my way <-> You don’t get yours”.
Children often get moulded in the win-lose mentality. When they feel their parents’ love is conditional,
they learn to compete to earn love: “If I’m better than my brother, my parents will love me more”, “If I
get an A, …”
In leadership style, win-lose is the authoritarian approach: Win-Lose people are prone to use position,
power, credentials, possessions or personality to get their way.
LOSE-WIN: “I’m a peacemaker; I’ll do anything to keep peace”.
Lose-Win has no demands, no expectation, no standards, and no vision. They seek strength from
pleasing, appeasing, and accepting and have little courage to express their own feelings and convictions.
They are easily intimidated by the Ego-strength of others.
They are being taken advantage of by win-lose people, who feed on them and exploit their weaknesses.
They also burry a lot of feelings. But unexpressed feelings don’t just die: they’re buried alive and come
forth later on in uglier ways: psychosomatic illnesses, disproportionate rage or anger, overreaction,
cynicism, are only some embodiments of suppressed emotion.
LOSE-LOSE:
When two Win-Lose people get together, eventually both will lose, because their desire for the other to
lose is so big that they’d rather also lose themselves, than allow the other to win.
WIN:
This is a common approach when there is no sense of contest or competition: a person with this
mentality wants to secure his own ends and leaves it to others to secure theirs.
WHICH OPTION IS BEST?
In interdependent realities, Win-Win is the only real alternative: if it is not a win-win for both of us, we
both lose.
Lose-Lose obviously isn’t viable in any context.
Sometimes you may want to go for a Lose-Win: When the relationship is more important than the issue,
or if what you want is just not worth the expense of time and effort.
And in some circumstances you will want to win, without being highly concerned with the relationship
of that win to others: When the issue is very important to you. Imagine your child’s life is in danger ….