How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 464

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Depression and illness.
This is what happens if you are really good at stuffing your anger, and
never let it out. Anger is a powerful emotion. When it comes out in
unhealthy ways, it hurts others. When it just stays inside you, it hurts
you.
When it comes out in healthy ways it is good for everybody. When it
is successful, this is the kind of anger management for people who want
to be who they were born to be and live their dreams!

Emotions

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Victim feeling.
A lot of people don't get this, but when you're all bent out of shape and
yelling and going off about something, you might seem tough or scary -but you're secretly feeling like a victim. Why? You're mad at somebody
for what they said, did or who they are, and you're not taking any
responsibility for your own part of the situation. With good anger
management skills, you will never be a victim again! Expressing anger in
healthy ways will make you strong.

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Nursing wounds.
This is a kind of self-pity. If you're real angry (in
an unhealthy way), then you're busy pointing to
your wounds: how you were done wrong by the
person you're mad at. This actually can keep
you from healing! If you need your pain and
suffering to show how bad the other person is,
you can't let your own wounds heal. This can
lead to violence scenarios. Violent people are
frequently feeling like victims, nursing their
wounds and blaming others for them. Healthy
anger management means everybody heals.

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Helplessness/powerlessness.
Here's the big secret. Extreme unhealthy anger --especially when it
means hurting others on purpose-- comes from a feeling of helplessness
and powerlessness. Unhealthy anger might seem strong, but it's
totally a sign of weakness.

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