How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 145

interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never
changes the facts.
4. Understand that it's not you, it's them. This can be
surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people
have complete mastery of blaming skills. Chances are, the
more often they blame you, the more they themselves are
actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a
way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do,
and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for
your own sake. That being said, here's a simple way to tell: if
you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to
improve yourself, it's probably not you. Remember,
impossible people "can do no wrong."
5. Defuse them. Stay calm, don't spit angry words at them, and
whatever you do don't cry - this will only stimulate them to
do more of the difficult behavior. Try ignoring them. Do not,
under any circumstances, join them in bashing, blaming or
complaining. Do not bad talk to their face or to anyone else
because then you are sinking down to their level. Add
something positive. Redirect by focusing on something,
anything, positive in the situation or in the conversation.
Whatever you do just stay calm!
6. It can help to realize that the side of a conversation that
contains the most truth will always win out, and it's best to
"name the game" that an impossible person is playing,
usually by asking them or the group a question that starts
"Why...," (rephrasing their "impossible" position to illuminate
the consequences). You will move the conversation to a
higher level, and the group, or even just the impossible
individual, in a one-on-one, will respond to this "higher
truth," although the individual will usually respond by
(more) obfuscating.

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