How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 127

1. Competing is assertive and uncooperative, a power-oriented
mode. When competing, an individual pursues his or her own
concerns at the other person’s expense, using whatever
power seems appropriate to win his or her position.
Competing might mean standing up for your rights, defending
a position you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.
2. Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative - the
opposite of competing. When accommodating, an individual
neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of
the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this
mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless
generosity or charity, obeying another person’s order when
you would prefer not to, or yielding to another’s point of
view.
3. Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative. When avoiding,
an individual does not immediately pursue either his or her
own concerns or those of the other person. He or she does
not address the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of
diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue
until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening
situation.
4. Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative - the
opposite of avoiding. When collaborating, an individual
attempts to work with the other person to find a solution that
fully satisfies the concerns of both. It involves digging into an
issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two
individuals and to find an alternative that meets both sets of
concerns. Collaborating between two persons might take the
form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s
insights, with the goal of resolving some condition that would
otherwise have them competing for resources, or confronting
and trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal
problem.

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