How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 93

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! ■ Overgeneralization—drawing conclusions from a single fact or event. For example, after being turned down for a job, a man concludes that he is worthless and no one will ever hire him. ■ Discounting—rejecting compliments by refusing to believe that the other person is telling the truth. ■ “Catastrophizing”—magnifying small mistakes into disasters or total failures. Perfectionism Healthy individuals set realistic, challenging, and achievable goals. They are motivated to do their best and they maintain high standards for themselves. Conversely, people who are perfectionist set unrealistic standards of achievement with an expectation of constant success. Perfectionist individuals are under constant stress caused by the anxiety to perform, or the realization that they have failed to reach or sustain their unrealistic expectations of self. Irrational beliefs that arise from perfectionism include: ■ I can’t make a mistake. ■ I am a failure if I am less than perfect. ■ I have no value unless I achieve the very best. ■ If I can’t be perfect, then I might as well give up. ■ I have to be the best. To win is the only option. ■ I’m probably going to fail anyway, so why try? The personal cost of perfectionism can include chronic pessimism, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, depression, anxiety, and obsessive concern with order and routine. Perfectionists frequently use the words must, only, always, never, and should (the MOANS acronym). Self-Defeating Thoughts Self-defeating thoughts are irrational ideas about one’s own weaknesses. Albert Ellis has written a great deal about what he defined as irrational thinking and its impact on emotion s and behaviour (2004, 1993a; 1993b; 1984; 1962). Ellis argues that people’s belief systems influence how they respond to and understand problems and events. When their beliefs are irrational and characterized by an unrealistic should, they are likely to experience emotional anxiety or disturbance. This thinking is often accompanied by self-depreciating internal dialogue: “I’m no good,” “Everyone must think I’m an idiot,” and “No one likes me.” Ellis concludes that irrational beliefs fall into three general categories with associated rigid demands or shoulds: 1. “I (ego) absolutely must perform well and win significant others’ approval, or else I am an inadequate, worthless person.” 2. “You (other people) must under all conditions and at all times be nice and fair to me, or else you are a rotten, horrible person!” 3. “Conditions under which I live absolutely must be comfortable, safe, and advantageous, or else the world is a rotten place, I can’t stand it, and life is hardly worth living” Wicks and Parsons (1984) offer a similar perspective when they suggest that many clients are discouraged because they set unattainable goals: “These goals are often based on irrational, simplistic views: (1) if a person acts properly, everyone will like him; and (2) either a person is totally competent or he is completely inadequate” (p. 170). For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 93