How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 92

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! Distortion Distortion results from misinterpretations, faulty assumptions, or cultural biases. Here are some common examples: ■ Misreading another person’s silence as lack of interest (mind reading). ■ Assuming that others should know what we want, need, or feel without being told. ■ Interpreting lack of eye contact as a sign of disrespect or lying when, in fact, the other person is from a culture where direct eye contact is discouraged. Selective Attention Selective attention errors arise from a failure to look at all aspects of a problem or situation. For example: Only listening to information and facts that support your point of view. De Bono (1985) made this important observation: “Unfortunately, Western thinking, with its argument habits, prefers to give a conclusion first and then to bring in the facts to support that conclusion” (p. 35). Rigid thinkers act as if to say, “We’ll keep talking until you agree with me.” ■ Selective memory: This behaviour involves recalling only selected aspects of the past. We might overlook events or facts that threaten our self-image. Conversely, people with low self-esteem may overlook evidence to the contrary, remembering only their failures and mistakes. ■ Losing focus on what a person is saying: This happens because of factors such as lack of interest, preoccupation with other thoughts, or distracting noise. ■ Focusing only on the present: For example, prison inmates may overestimate their ability to cope with life outside jail. They may become clouded by unrealistic optimism that they will be able to avoid getting caught again or beat any charges if they are caught. In addition, they may neglect to consider the long-term consequences of their criminal behaviour, a pattern of thinking that is characteristic of lifestyle or habitual criminals. Walters (1991) reached this conclusion: “Until high rate offenders realize the self-destructive nature of their super-optimism, they will continue to resist change because they are operating on the mistaken belief that they can get away with just about any crime” (p. 36). Walters sees lazy thinking as the root of the offenders’ problems. Even those with the best of intentions may find themselves in trouble because they fail to think about long-term outcomes. ■ Egocentric thinking: Errors of this kind come from a failure or inability to consider other people’s ideas or to look at how one’s behaviour affects others. People may adopt an arrogant position of self-righteousness, confident that their ideas and conclusions are sound. Egocentric thinkers are likely to be seen by others as aggressive and insensitive, interested in meeting only their own needs. Egocentric thinkers are not only poor thinkers but also poor listeners. Typically, they believe that the purpose of thinking, listening, and responding is to prove themselves right. De Bono (1985) contends that self-protection is a major impediment to their thinking: “The main restriction on thinking is ego defence, which is responsible for most of the practical faults of thinking” (p. 29). Magnification/Minimization These types of thinking errors distort facts by extreme and exaggerated thinking. Some examples: ■ Splitting—the tendency to interpret people, things, and experiences as either totally good or totally bad, with no shades of grey. For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 92