How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 22

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! B/ Confirm and match your listener’s inner world. That is: their values, perceptions, beliefs, emotions, ideas and assumptions. Why? when you copy your listener’s way of seeing the world (visual, audio …), their way of expressing themselves (words and expressions he uses), repeat their values, accept them as they are and confirm them in their beliefs and opinions, they will listen to you, accept what you are saying and start to like you because they will see you as very similar to themselves and will appreciate the respect you show them. After all, you are confirming them in what and how they are and what you are telling, is the truth, such as they too perceive it. Here is how to do it: 1. Match the persons sensory modality What I mean here is to match and mirror the way that they think and talk. Remember when we were talking about visual, auditory and kinesthetic modalities? Well, this is about putting it into practice. Listen for the indicator words that the person is using and use words/phrases from the same modality. Also, look out for eye movements to spot thinking patterns. 2. Mirror the persons Physiology By copying the persons posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, movements and even their eye blinking, will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that this person is like me! 3. Match their voice You should match the tone, tempo, timbre and the volume of the person's voice. You should also make use of matching the key words that they use a lot. Examples of this may be: "Alright", "Actually", "You know what I mean" 4. Match their breathing You should match the persons breathing to the same pace. Matching the in and out breath. 5. Match how they deal with information You should match persons CHUNK SIZE of how they deal with information. For example are they detailed or do they talk and think in big pictures. If you get this wrong you will find it very difficult indeed to build rapport as the detailed person will be yearning for more information and the big picture person will soon be yawning! 6. Match common experiences After all, what are you going to talk about! This is all about finding some commonality to talk about. Matching experiences, interests, backgrounds, values and beliefs. One point to bare in mind is that you need to be subtle when you are matching and mirroring. Don't go over the top! Typically however, the other person will be focussing so much on what they have to say that they will not even notice. For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 22