How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 23

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! Breaking the mirror There are two sides to every coin. If you feel the need to create distance or to break the synchronization because you want the other person to get out of their comfort zone, or in order to show disagreement: stop mirroring and behave differently from the individual. Empathic listening Empathic listening or Active listening basically is acknowledging the indivual’s feelings and reflecting them. The subject is treated more in detail in the next chapter of this book. The basis of empathic listening is validating the other person and incorporating their words into your answers and conversations 2. Other techniques include Agree, Praise and Confirm  “O.k., right, exactly my idea” – “you are great, smart, good, …” Validate the persons' concerns, struggles, perceptions, and feelings  No wonder you feel that way…  No wonder you’re so frustrated and stressed out (validating feelings). You’ve struggled with this problem for a long time, and it makes sense to me that you’re wondering whether it’s best to ... or ... (validating concerns and experience of the problem). Compliment people on their courage, resilience, and other attributes  After everything you’ve been through, I’m impressed that you’re still hanging in there and trying to make things better for yourself. Where do you find the courage and strength to stay at it instead of giving up? (complimenting courage and resilience)?  How did you manage to get through the whole day? (giving credit for resilience and improvement);  I'm really glad you brought that up.  I think what you are doing is really difficult. I'm really proud to be working with you on this.  So many people avoid seeking help. It says a lot about you that you are willing to take this step.  What have you noticed about yourself in the past few months since you started coming here? (This question is designed to prompt the client to self-affirm.) Note on compliments: Compliments can be direct: commenting directly on a person’s actions: “You did a great job on this assignment” Indirect: folding compliments into questions: “How did you get yourself to work on time yesterday?” or attribution-based: referring to positive characteristics of the person: “You’re a caring person” Be curious (vs. all-knowing): Ask a lot of questions. People trust people who are interested in them. The reason for this is that people tend to feel isolated as life gets more complicated. And when someone pays attention to us we feel safer and less isolated. Think of the car buying situation with the car salesperson being you. The salesperson who focuses on finding out the customer’s needs before trying to close the sale will do much better than the salesperson For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 23