How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 125
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happen. This projecting into an unsure future is a normal, natural response to crisis situation.
Anxiety also acts as a motivator to find options, solace, and resolution to problems. Sometimes anxiety can
be experienced as free-floating fear or panic.
Bereaved by Suicide
Losing someone close to you brings about intense grief and mourning. The loss of someone through suicide
often results in different responses and emotions. Bereavement by suicide is prolonged. Shock, social
isolation and guilt are often greater and the element of choice raises painful questions.
You may experience some or all of the following:
Intense Shock
The sense of shock and disbelief following a death of this kind may be very intense. A common aspect of
grief is recurring images of the death, even if this was not witnessed. Finding the body may be another
traumatic and indelible event. It is a natural need to go over and over the very frightening and painful images
of the death and the feelings these create.
Questioning - Why?
Bereavement through suicide often involves a prolonged search for an explanation of the tragedy. Many
people eventually come to accept that will never really know why. During the search for explanations,
different members of the same family may have very different ideas as to why a death happened. This can be
a strain on family relationships, particularly where an element of blame is involved.
Questioning - Could it have been prevented?
It is common to go over and over how the death might have been prevented and how the loved one could
have been saved. Everything can seem painfully obvious in retrospect. The 'what-ifs' may seem endless.
Rewinding events is a natural and necessary way of coping with what has happened. Research suggests that
some people bereaved by suicide feel more guilt, self-blame and self-questioning than those bereaved in
some other way.
Abandonment / rejection
You may experience a sense of rejection. It is common to feel abandoned by someone who 'chooses' to die.
"I was upset that he hadn't come to talk to us. I think we all went through anger at some point. You think:
'How could you do this to us?' ". (A sister whose brother took his life.)
Suicidal fears and feelings
Despair is a natural part of the grieving process, but after the suicide of a loved one hopelessness may be
combined with fear for one's own safety. Identification with someone who has taken their life can be deeply
threatening to one's own sense of security. You may suffer more anxiety than those bereaved in other ways
and be more vulnerable to suicidal feelings.
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