How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 9

2. Combine Visualization and Discovering Values
The direct suggestion + feed back question
Using phrases like : “If you were to imagine feeling really sad right now, how would that feel like?” will take
people’s imagination back to moments in which they felt that way, inducing a similar feeling right now.
Of course, saying something like that so blatantly requires that you have previously built up a good deal of trust and
comfort. Unless people accept that you have some right to share the information asked for, and unless the context
allows for believing that you have a genuine interest in the subject at the time of asking, you are prone to meet with
strong opposition just because it is straight out suggestive.

A more indirect way to obtain the same result is: The manipulative question
You could say : "What do you need to feel in order to be really comfortable around someone?" , or: "What
does it feel like when you feel incredibly happy / attracted to someone…?"

A somewhat weaker variation hereof is the indirect manipulative question
This would sound like : "Have you ever found yourself becoming so longing to buy a product, that the rest of
the world just seems to fade away and all you can think of is how much you need to have this thing? And
have you ever felt this so strongly that you were ready to pay almost just about anything to get it?”
The disadvantage here is that you could get a simple “yes” or “no” without the other person ever having done a
conscious effort to re-live the situation.
At that point, you simply ask: “why was that?” “Can you tell me some more about it?”

These questions have four important advantages:
1. The answers will provide you with useful information about the deeper structure of the listener’s mind and of his
world-view
2. They will reveal you which kind of arguments are likely to influence this person.
e.g. which qualities are needed by this pers