How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 8

Ten infallible ingredients of suggestive communication
1. Get to know your listener’s inner world
At the start, mostly, you don’t know your listener’s values. So you have to be careful: stick to what you see
(appearance, clothes, …) and return the information he is giving you. When connecting this information to such
abstract things as his feelings and opinions, be vague. Let his own imagination fill in the gaps.
The deeper the rapport, the more he will trust what you say. Instinctively, he will then complete the vague images
that you are offering with content that is meaningful to him and which he will agree with. This will further deepen the
established rapport and make him more receptive to what you are saying.
If you say, “On my way here, I saw this beautiful, green Jaguar”, he might think that a green Jaguar is not what he
considers being a beautiful car. This would weaken and possibly break the rapport. If, on the other hand, you just
say: “On my way here, I saw this beautiful car”, that would probably help him to feel as if he were seeing a beautiful
car.

So remember:
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Provide a vivid, detailed description in terms of the senses, to engage the imagination;

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Agree, Praise and Confirm : Be empathic and similar, to create rapport.
compliment: clothes, interior, this is so great, you are so …



Be vague when it comes to facts or feelings he is supposed to have now, in order to lead your
listener’s imagination and emotions in the direction that you have set out, allowing your vague
descriptions to further intensify the established rapport.

How to be vague?
Adapt your use of language:
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Pronouns
it, he, … instead of concrete noun
Nominalizations
Independent verbs (“the going”)
Metaphors
(“the black gold” instead of “petrol”)
Paradoxes
(“the sound of silence”)
Alliteration
(successive words starting with same sound)
Ellipses
(leave out unnecessary words)
Repetitions
(With me, …)
Personifications
(“the rain is telling us …”)
Stories, Fairy Tales and Myths

Meanwhile, discover his values and use them in all you say
Make him talk or think about himself, his emotions, desires, …
* What are you looking for in an investment, car, boyfriend, …?
* Why did you buy this …?
* What do you like most about it?
* How would you describe your ideal …?
* Ask for advice: what would you do? how do you do this?

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