How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Starts With Non Violent Communication

4 Components of an NVC Expression 1. OBSERVATION (free of judgments, labels, diagnoses, opinions, etc.) “When I see/hear/notice…” 2. FEELING (free of thoughts) “… I feel …” Examples of feelings when needs ARE met: Affectionate Confident Engaged Excited Exhilarated Grateful Inspired Hopeful Exuberant Joyful Calm Refreshed Examples of feelings when needs are NOT met: Annoyed Angry Disgusted Uneasy Detached Tense Embarrassed Tired Sad Vulnerable Scared Pain 3. NEED (universal human needs free of strategies) “… because I need/value …” Examples: Beauty Autonomy Empathy Mourning Honesty Love Meaning Safety Respect Community Contribution Mutuality Authenticity Transparency Acceptance To be valued Play Support 4. REQUEST (free of demands) “Would you be willing to …?” 2 Ways of Moving Toward Connection 1. Honestly express your own feelings & needs Ongoing awareness of feelings & connected needs in present moment Willingness & courage to express those feelings & needs (vulnerability) Example: “When I see you read the newspaper while I’m talking, I feel frustrated because I’m wanting to be heard. Would you be willing to close the newspaper for 5 minutes and hear my idea?” 2. Empathically listen to other’s feelings & needs Qualities of empathic listening: presence, focus, space, caring, verbal reflection of feelings & needs NOT advising, fixing, consoling, story-telling, sympathizing, analyzing, explaining, … No matter what is said, hear only feelings, needs, observations & requests Example: Are you feeling … because you need …?

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