B"H
or not. It is typical of lonely creatures to crave physica l
affection and oft time's traumatic disorders impel people to grab
lustfully at bodily contact.
A Throwback to Cavemen
Throughout the rip-roaring years of my teenage decadence,
the main if not only occupation I pursued seriously was sex ist
recognition. I suffered from an inferiority complex, wanted to
have control, to feel powerful. How combat self -degradation? I
was unconsciously driven to achieve acceptance of my
physicality in the warmth of sexist embrace. As a youngster, I
didn't enjoy roughhousing with boys my age, but sought
companionship amongst girly friends , and liked playing "Jacks."
Although, in my teens, I also played contact sports with
aggressive boys, and was a fierce competitor. In college, I was
a sex addict and it was not until my middle age that I discerned
how pathetic that is, psychopathic in fact. We're talking about a
half a century of internal conflict shaking about my brain ,
struggle, and failure to overco me the ailment, well you're
reading the story. Alike to the natural flow of rivers, there are
boulders, logs, hanging vegetation, and bugs that make up the
habitat of our personalities. I was a s ociety reject fro m the days
of my youth; the insecurity was aggravated by my inability to
establish myself on equal footing with a living human being.
A tormenting feeling of inadequacy managed to wear me
down and I was a neurotic show -off well into my middle age. In
the classroo m of my ele mentary schooling, the corridors of my
high school education and throughout college I did the weirdest
things that nobody could imagine possible. I refer to suc h
conduct as an external distraction from internal disco mfort. The
irrational aspects of my mind concocted many schemes to garner
affection from my fe male counterparts . On the occasions I
would visit ho me fro m college, I looked forward to visits fro m
a ten-year-old neighbor. She had a long ponytail and used to sit
with me on the front porch and wile away the hours away. The
softness of her demeanor was elixir vitae to my troubled soul.
Plutonic infatuation!
The proble m with the softness of the fe male species arises
when the natural sexual inclinations of a male have reached
maturity; the simulation of tactile senses causes hormones to
alert the impulses to the possibility of an ecstatic experience ; at
247