4444
KEY TO KNOW
Helpers tend to reject such reflections and say : “ It was not your fault , it is never the survivor ’ s fault ”. Sometimes , however , it is sensible to give the survivor time to explore the course of events and perhaps recognise that other choices could have been made ; taking stock may permit him to come to terms with what happened more easily . Nevertheless ,
“ Nevertheless , sexual violence is always an abuse of power , always a violation of rights , and the abuser is always responsible for it .” sexual violence is always an abuse of power , always a violation of rights , and the abuser is always responsible for it .
For some survivors , it is easier to blame themselves rather than accuse others . This reaction is likely to be pronounced if the survivor has a ( personal ) relationship with the abuser . If their abuser is an adult caregiver , for example , most children will think the abuser is “ right ” and that they are “ wrong ”.
This mindset is also a survival response . Throughout human history , dependent children have needed to please and placate those who provide their food and shelter ; children take for granted that their caregivers will teach them what is right and wrong , and what to do to stay alive . These instincts remain robust even when children are not loved or protected by those who are their caregivers .
Society and the social environment also influence how survivors experience and process trauma and traumatic reactions . Sexual abuse is an abuse of power , inflicted by someone more powerful on someone who is physically , socially , professionally or relationally less powerful . Because communities often assume that those in power are likely to be right , they may believe that survivors must be at least partially responsible for their attacker ’ s violent behaviour . Survivors may face questions and accusations . Did he provoke the abuser ? Did he behave “ improperly ” and therefore deserve to be punished ? In many cases of sexual violence , survivors must struggle to cope with their own psychological and physiological reactions and also defend themselves from unjustified suspicions and accusations , which may be made by friends or members of their family .
The social response to sexual violence , and to male survivors of sexual violence , varies greatly from culture to culture . Politics , religion , ethnicity , and moral codes significantly influence attitudes to survivors . Though all traumatic reactions are physically the same regardless of culture , the meaning given to violent events does vary with culture , as do attitudes to the abused and abuser . This is particularly clear when a man or boy is abused by a woman . Women are commonly perceived as kind and nurturing ; these presumptions are also likely to cause confusion in the survivor . “ What kind of man lets a woman abuse him ?”
This kind of humiliation may feel extremely shameful . In such cases , helpers therefore need to explore with a survivor how he understands and interprets what happened . Survivors may lose all confidence in women . Their self-esteem may collapse . It is important to work only with interpretations than are meaningful to the survivor .
Shame is a central emotion that requires careful discussion . Because of their shame , male survivors of sexual violence will often withdraw . To distract from their shame , they may also overtrain , overwork , take drugs , or try to blame someone else ( for example , the helper ). In reaction to shame , they may direct anger , contempt and disgust at themselves , or those around them .
Specifically , boys and men may feel guilt and shame if they have an erection or ejaculate during their abuse . They may feel that this signalled to the abuser that they wanted what was done to them ; that their body betrayed them ; that they must have liked what happened . Male erections and ejaculation are physiological responses to stimulation and do not imply that the man who was sexually assaulted wanted , invited , or enjoyed what happened . To make this absolutely clear , erection is not an indication of consent .