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2.4.7 Dissociation
Traumatised persons can also be bothered by changes in their own consciousness , and how they experience themselves and their surroundings . Many people feel numb or distant , or think their surroundings are unreal and strange . They may lose contact with the outside world or believe that others think they have suddenly changed . Many survivors struggle with memory and cannot remember what has happened , both earlier in their life and recently . Such reactions are often called dissociation and are especially common among survivors who have experienced sexual abuse .
KEY TO KNOW
For survivors who dissociate , it is helpful to understand the connection between the event that traumatised them and their state of mind afterwards . To survive and deal with the violence they experienced , many survivors “ fled mentally ”: they tried to remove themselves from their pain and fear by “ disconnecting ” or telling themselves “ This is not happening to me ”. Some experienced a feeling of leaving their body and observing the attack upon them from afar ; some simply zoned out and cannot recall what happened . These responses enabled them to survive . Unfortunately , their reactions sometimes recur long after the abuse is over . Stress , fear or reminders of the trauma can trigger dissociative reactions that are very uncomfortable for survivors and difficult for friends and relatives to understand . Grounding and stabilisation exercises can help to deal with dissociation ( see section 5.2 ).
2.4.8 Shame and guilt
After traumatic events , and especially man-made traumas , many survivors feel guilt and shame . They are ashamed by what happened , and believe they are to blame . They think they should have prevented the attack : “ I should have run away ”, “ If only I had said ...”, “ If only I had defended myself ”, “ If only I had been elsewhere ”, etc . For survivors of rape these questions take up a lot of space .
Blaming themselves and making themselves responsible for what happened , and thinking about how they might have prevented or mitigated their assault , can be an attempt to recover control over their lives . When we are exposed to traumatic events unexpectedly and without any control , we feel powerless and utterly helpless . It is natural to look for an explanation for what happened and try to imagine how it could have been avoided .
It is a human trait to confuse causation and responsibility . It is therefore important to encourage survivors to recognise that , if they were part of a chain of causes ( being in a particular place at a particular time , for example ), this does not make them responsible for what happened . Many survivors also condemn themselves because they told no-one of their first assault . If another event happens , they believe it is “ their fault ” because they did not stand up for themselves to stop it . The shame and guilt they feel may lead them to feel they are dirty or nasty ; they are unable to separate the character of the attack from their idea of themselves . Many also punish themselves , saying :
• “ I was naive , should have seen the signals , did not understand , I was stupid .”
• “ I was a coward , scared , did not dare to say no , I did nothing to defend myself .”
• “ I am dirty and unworthy and do not deserve to receive support or help .”
“ Blaming themselves and making themselves responsible for what happened , and thinking about how they might have prevented or mitigated their assault , can be an attempt to recover control over their lives .”