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THE GOOD HELPER
2.6 Message to caregivers
Know yourself – Learn to understand your own reactions .
Being challenged by children can teach you about yourself and your reactions . You may experience reactions you never had before . Most of us become more childish when we are challenged or emotionally triggered . It can be demanding to understand and regulate your reactions , but it can also help you to develop and to come closer to the children you care for .
Think about how you react in difficult situations with the children . Do you typically become logical and rational ? Do you have very strong emotions ? Are you emotional and rational at the same time ? Most likely your behaviour will vary according to the circumstances and your mood .
It is as important to be curious about your own behaviour as to be curious about the child ’ s . To regulate your own emotions , you need to be attentive to what is going on inside you . Self-care is easy on good days but can be arduous on difficult days . Try to explore your own reactions , talk to someone you trust , learn more about what you can do when you feel you are losing control .
Identify difficult situations
• In what situations do you feel provoked or challenged ?
• Do you find it is difficult to handle specific emotions or behaviour of the child ?
• What situations are most difficult ?
• Do those situations remind you of an experience when you were scared , or powerless ?
• When are you most effective as a caregiver ?
• When are you least effective as a caregiver ?
• Are certain reactions of the child hard to understand ?
• What other behaviours or situations cause you to lose control or focus ?
Monitor your own reactions
• What are you feeling in your body ? What is happening to your breathing ? Your heartbeat ? Do you feel pain or discomfort ? How do you feel when you begin to lose control and focus ?
• What thoughts do you have often , about yourself as a caregiver , and the children you care for ?
• What do you do when you struggle the most ? Do you punish yourself ? Feel resigned ? Put it out of your mind ? In the moment , do you freeze , fight , flee or withdraw ?
HELPER ADVICE
Advice to the helper . Regulate yourself before you try to regulate the child
• Try to be in the moment .
• Monitor your level of arousal .
• Take a deep breath .
• Reflect : what need is the child expressing at this moment ?
• Meet the child ’ s need .
• Take responsibility . You are the adult !