33
HELPER ADVICE
Advice to helpers when working with children
• Clarify which rules are essential and unconditional and which rules are more flexible .
• Give the child clear expectations and explanations of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable . A few simple rules work best .
• Give the child responsibility for tasks that the child can master and feel proud of .
• Be clear , calm and consistent .
• Give choices when you can . It is a good idea to give the child an experience of control . ( For example : “ Do you want to do homework in your room or in the kitchen ?”)
• Pay attention to the child ’ s age and emotional maturity . Be aware of reasons why the child may not listen to you . It may be that the task is too difficult , or it may be because you are trying to decide . Offer help and divide tasks into smaller parts .
• Monitor the child ’ s state . When the child is restless , reflection will be difficult .
THE GOOD HELPER
Pay special attention
• Be aware of triggers . Boundaries can be a trigger . Be careful of threatening to punish or impose sanctions .
• Avoid causing shame or embarrassment . Explain why the boundary is being set . Link the boundary to the child ’ s safety . “ I care about you !”
• Avoid actions that are emotionally impulsive ( anger , shouting , punishments , etc .). They will increase the child ’ s anxiety or fear .
• Explain consequences . (“ If you destroy your toy , it disappears and is gone .”)
How to use praise
• Be warm and positive !
• Recognise the child ’ s attempts to achieve goals . If you have asked the child to be patient , praise its attempts to endure frustration without acting out . (“ I ’ m so proud of you . I asked you to wait a few minutes and you did . Well done !)
• Define success and praise attempts that go in the right direction . If you have asked a child not to hit , praise the child for not doing so even if the child is howling and screaming instead .
• Try to give six positive feedbacks for each correction .
• Build self-esteem . (“ I like you just the way you are . I ’ m so proud of you , to me you are perfect !”)
Be aware when praise is a trigger .
• Do not take it personally ! Recognise that praise is a trigger .
• Tolerate the reaction of the child without feeling rejected .
REFLECTION QUESTION
Questions to reflect on
• What are your best qualities in the work you do with children who have been sexually abused ?
• After this session can you add more qualities ?