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THE GOOD HELPER
“ It is important to remember that your reactions are influenced by your own experiences and background ; and to remember always that you are the adult , and that you are caring for a child .”
It is important to remember that your reactions are influenced by your own experiences and background ; and to remember always that you are the adult , and that you are caring for a child .
Look past the child ’ s behaviour or lack of boundaries to understand why the child is behaving in this way . Is the child scared ? Does the child think this is the only way to get help ? Does the child know what healthy boundaries are ? As noted , it is important to set your own boundaries and understand your limits , and , when you need , to seek support from colleagues and supervisors . Saying yes to everything is not positive . You may end up wearing yourself out and , if you do , you will not be of help .
2.5 Becoming a predictable helper / caregiver
Aim . To understand traumatised children ’ s need for predictability .
All children , but especially children and young people who have been traumatised by sexual abuse , need love , care and boundaries . They need clear rules for what is right and wrong , guidance , and help to understand situations and learn new skills . However , it can be challenging to use common upbringing tools such as praise and setting boundaries . Some children have experience of adults who lost control , were violent , or acted invasively and inappropriately . Boundary setting can be associated with extreme feelings of helplessness and vulnerability .
To such children , adults who set boundaries and try to be predictable can seem threatening .
“ For children who have experienced unpredictability and chaos , their typical coping strategy is to try to control the environment and those around them . Controlling behaviour is an attempt to find security in a world that has been threatening and unpredictable .”
For children who have experienced unpredictability and chaos , their typical coping strategy is to try to control the environment and those around them . Controlling behaviour is an attempt to find security in a world that has been threatening and unpredictable .
When applying the advice below , always consider the child ’ s age , experience , cultural background , social situation , and gender . All children should be treated with respect ; older children are entitled to discuss decisions that affect them , to negotiate outcomes , and receive reasoned explanations . Though the advice below is general , it is crucial for abused children .