that although you learn the lesson , you will continuously be tested to ensure you are on track .
Step 3 : Change what is under your control .
For this step , you need items from your list with plus signs as well as motivation and patience . Each item on your “ changeable ” list will require its own unique solution . For example , mental health and childhood issues may require medical attention and a good therapist ; insecurities will require excelling in valued domains ( gaining skills and expertise ) and / or working on body image ( healthy eating , exercise ); work stress and financial issues may require discipline , education , and changing jobs or career paths ; dysfunctional romantic relationships will require repair or dissolution ; and political dissatisfaction will require getting involved .
The good news is that simply writing down the things you wish to change will bring you part of the way there . The remaining part may require a great deal of effort , energy , and determination , but it will be worth it . If you have a family to consider , you should sit down and outline the changes you plan to make and ask for their input and support . Given that your list is ordered from most to least influential , you might first tackle an item near the top for the greatest impact . Alternatively , if items near the top require immense change , you could start lower down for incremental progress . As you gain momentum and emotional strength , you will be better equipped to tackle the larger items .
Is your happiness worth it ? Yes ! This is where Reinhold Niebuhr ’ s quote is especially pertinent :
“ You need the courage to change things under your control . Remember that you are the protagonist of your own life and noone but you can create the outcomes you seek .”
Kelly Campbell , Ph . D ., is a Professor of Psychology at California State University , San Bernardino . Her research examines instant connections among friends and romantic partners , how being in love helps and / or hinders performance across domains ( e . g ., athletics , creativity ), infidelity , and cat-fishing ( online romantic deception ).
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