Does the Problem Come and Go , or Seem to be Always There ?
Are There Specific Triggers That Set Off the Problem or Worsen It ?
What Have You Done to Solve the Problem ?
What ’ s Your Theory About Why You Are Having This Problem ?
Does the Problem Come and Go , or Seem to be Always There ?
Yes , I ’ m lately worried about my job all the time ; no , my daughter ’ s tantrums obviously come and go , but I feel I never handle them well ; our arguments have increased lately , but we also can have good times .
Most problems with your mood , your relationships are rarely in a steady state . If you ’ re particularly worried about your job today , the question to ask yourself is : Why today rather than yesterday ?
Are There Specific Triggers That Set Off the Problem or Worsen It ?
Yes , when my supervisor seems cold and detached , I worry more that she is unhappy with me . When my daughter has a busy day with back-to-back activities , or I ’ ve had the same , it ’ s easy for her to melt down , for me to lose my patience ; if my partner and I try to talk about a problem late at night , it never goes well .
Sometimes the triggers are external , your supervisor ’ s mood , your daughter ’ s tired , or internal ; you are stressed out , haven ’ t slept well , or had too much to drink . Knowing the triggers allows you to anticipate problems and potentially cut them off at the pass .
What Have You Done to Solve the Problem ?
Not much I ’ m trying to lay low on my job and do the best I can do , but I ’ m still worried ; I ’ ve tried putting my daughter in time-out , but she bucks it , making it all worse ; I ’ ve tried not saying anything that will upset my partner sometimes it works , sometimes it doesn ’ t . Good to know ; solving problems is often a process of elimination . You need to try things to find out what does or doesn ’ t help .
What ’ s Your Theory About Why You Are Having This Problem ?
I think my boss doesn ’ t like me , or I really don ’ t know what I ’ m doing and feel like I ’ m faking it all the time ; my daughter is upset because she is jealous of the new baby , or I can ’ t cope because I ’ m tired all the time ; we ’ re arguing because we ’ re not having enough sex , or are busy with jobs and are disconnected . Even folks who say they don ’ t know they ’ re having this problem , if pressed , will come up with an explanation — that ’ s how our minds work . Identifying your theory either helps you know what to focus on your skills , the new baby ,