Is This a Difficult or Destructive Relationship ?
Using Hope-ium to Avoid
Use Mindfulness , Not Hope-ium
or resolution . Hope can be like a drug — use it appropriately and it ’ s a powerful tool for recovery . Overuse it and it impedes growth , autonomy , and may even encourage an unhealthy tolerance of abusive behavior .
Is This a Difficult or Destructive Relationship ?
For some people , it ’ s hard to distinguish between what ’ s just a difficult relationship and what is destructive or abusive . Defining emotional abuse can be vague . Here are some important warning signs of emotional abuse :
• You feel crazy or like you ’ re never heard
• You are always to blame
• Your partner tries to isolate you and control who you talk to
• Problems never resolve and your feelings are minimised
If any of these are your experience , consider seeing a therapist who specialises in destructive relationships .
Using Hope-ium to Avoid
Using hope to avoid the reality of destructive behaviour is not helpful or healthy . For hope to be helpful , both partners must act on what is hoped for . Hope is hard won , not an ignorance of reality .
Recent research suggests that there is a close connection between false hope and ignorance .
When a person chooses to ignore or pretend that a behaviour isn ‘ t problematic , that ‘ s hope-ium . Instead of dealing with the immediate issue , bad behaviours become more entrenched and wounds fester . Hope is justified only if it is “ realistic .” That is when hope is based on good judgment and the likelihood of performance . But when patterns continually indicate poor behaviour , hope is not warranted . When a person ignores regular poor behaviour to maintain hope , they are using hope-ium — or a false hope that keeps them stuck in a destructive pattern . To avoid hope-ium , don ’ t distort reality .
Use Mindfulness , Not Hope-ium
• Mindfulness is a practice of slowing down thoughts and focusing on breath . It sounds simple and it is — but it takes practice .
• Although mindfulness is associated with happiness , productivity , satisfaction in relationships , and lower stress ,
• It achieves these positive outcomes not through fanciful denial or avoidance .