Here is one way to practice mindfulness instead of hope-ium .
• Mindfulness as a practice requires a constant attunement with the reality of the present and an acceptance of what can and cannot be done .
Hope-ium is simply an avoidance tactic or an unwillingness to address the problematic realities of the relationship .
• Mindfulness encourages an opposite approach . Instead of avoidance , sit with the reality of the destructive behaviour .
• Acceptance means no longer resisting or denying what is .
• It is not approval of the bad behaviour .
• An accepting person is not condoning , agreeing with , or sanctioning bad behaviour .
• Acceptance is the first step to sorting through the issues of the relationship .
• If a partner is willing , talk through the issues and frankly discuss healthy boundaries .
• If a partner is not open to authentically addressing the destructive behaviours ( which likely includes counselling ), then mindfully consider what steps need to be taken to create a healthier environment .
• This may require permanent separation from the destructive environment .
Here is one way to practice mindfulness instead of hope-ium .
When you experience problematic behaviors :
• Ask yourself : How do I feel in my body ?
• See if you can locate a place where your feelings are most noticeable . You may notice a concentration of emotion in your head or face , your heart , a weight on your shoulders , or an ache in your belly .
• Mentally “ breathe ” into that location ( In other words , visualize that you are infusing fresh air ). Then touch it warmly with your hand .
• Let go of the need to make the feeling go away . Let it be there moment by moment and notice what it does or how it feels . Accept this moment , even if it is filled with sorrow . This moment is precious and can teach you .
Chelom E . Leavitt , J . D ./ Ph . D .,
is an assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University . Online : Chelom E . Leavitt ,
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